Lust Before Love
by Esper17
Summary: On a mission, Feron runs - literally - into a man he has never met before. Someone who captures his attention like no one before. A single night of passion and lust, and he can't forget the teal scaled drell who made him feel something other than darkness. (A smut one-shot for now) Feron x Kolyat.


Chapter 1 

I sip my drink and watch her from my peripheral, the light blue asari conducting business with a human woman. Dropping my gaze I force myself to look away, pretending I don't care about anything other than the drink I nurse.

Turning around, I lean against the bar and study the crowd, loud dance music pumping through the sound system, vibrating the floors near the area I resided in. This particular bar was concealed in shadows, more so than the others in the multi-floored establishment that spewed pulsing neon lights in every direction. A perfect place to conduct the exchange of information amidst grinding bodies and dark corners.

I swiped my eyes in the direction of the couple again, timing the movement of the lights, knowing my pupils won't be seen through my outer layers as long as the strobes don't hit them. I pretend I'm scanning the area uncaringly as if I am searching for someone to dance with. The human opens her omnitool and I move my gaze away anticipating the transaction that's about to take place. I look down at my omnitool just to make sure the program I created is synced and ready to start the hack, the indicator alerting me to the download.

I smile and bring the drink to my lips, sipping slowly, the alcohol burning as it trails down my throat. A flash of teal catches my attention. I look up and survey the crowd again, unsure what caused the vibrant hue since the club strobes, white, red and yellow, in rotating bursts.

Maybe a piece of jewelry caught the light? My omnitool vibrates in warning, a message alerting me that the signal is failing. Glancing up in confusion I see the asari leaving the bar area, the human walking in the opposite direction, the exchange finished.

 _Shit. It's too soon._

I move quickly, slipping past people as I walk behind them on the platform and in the direction I last saw the asari, panic rising as I lose her in the crowd. I stop at the edge of the steps that end in a triangular descent and I scan the heads in the crowd until I spot the woman gaining distance.

I move down the steps without looking and miscalculate my movement because in my urgency to stay with my target, I end up knocking someone over. And I'm not talking about a little shove where I can just glance at the person, mumble an incoherent apology and skitter away. No. I'm talking about, my-foot-getting-caught-under-them, head-fully-turned-in-the-opposite-direction, while I try to rush down three incredibly poor placed steps.

I mean, who the fuck decides to make a bar and put it on a pedestal? Some jerk off was probably sitting in security right now getting off on watching people stumble their drunk asses up and down the steps. If I was being honest with myself, I would probably be doing the same. except now, I'm the idiot busting my ass down them. Or in actuality, trampling someone to the ground in my descent.

I am aware of glass breaking beside me as I grab whoever I practically tackle, and we both fall - no flail - down the rest of the two steps. An image of a thrashing hanar comes to mind while we become a mass of tangled arms and legs. I am barely able to twist myself as I yank the person below me to take the brunt of the fall.

Yeah, I'm an asshole. But I don't care right now.

In my panic, I am unaware that I am short of laying on top of this person - who surprisingly has their hands cradled around me as if to catch me. I push myself up, realizing my target is leaving the scanning range and I check my omnitool seeing the file flash green in completion.

I sigh heavily in relief and sit back down, oblivious until I feel something buck my thighs and hear a warning purr. I freeze in horror and look beneath me, noticing the very annoyed, very handsome man I am now straddling. My ass resting perfectly on his semi-erect member.

There are people watching us, and I am aware of his hands on my thighs, one of his knees rising behind me pushing me a little forward. I rotate my hips to gain my balance on instinct, the movement surprising both of us, my ass digging into him a little more.

I can feel the heat of his skin reaching my bones, and I am suddenly stuck on stupid. All coherent thought leaves me as I stare at his face.

 _I am the worst fucking agent. Ever._

"Are you planning on letting me up soon?" he growls. Full lips turned downwards in a disapproving frown.

My throat closes up, my body defiant, unreasonable. I am dumbfounded, frozen, falling into skies so blue you would think it was paradise. Another drell, rare outside Kahje. On the Citadel of all places. And he is beautiful.

"I'm debating," I exhale on a shaky breath. Surely that's not me who just said that?

His response is not what I imagine. I expect him to grow annoyed, shove me, disgusted and storm away. The look in his eyes is of interest, curiosity, one eye ridge quirked, one corner of his mouth twitches. "I hope you have a good reason for knocking me to the floor."

"I …" I try to find my voice but instead shift and move off the man below me, holding out a hand to help him to his feet. "I can't even come up with an excuse. I guess I just wanted to be on top of you."

 _Why the fuck did I just say that?_

Slowly he releases my hand and stares down at me, a few inches taller. His scales reminded me of the oceans of Kahje, a clear blue-green shimmer when the sun hits the water's surface just as it rises. His jaw drops open, eyes widen, blinking both eyelids. I can tell he doesn't know what to do with my response. Honestly, neither do I.

After two heartbeats he grins unexpectedly. "And here I thought women were pushy. You could have at least said hi first."

I stare at him dumbfounded. _Is he flirting? Holy shit, he's flirting_. "I wanted to make sure I got your attention." My voice is not my own. Someone else has taken over my body. I am never this brave, this direct. I attempt to look unaffected by him, but he stares at me. I can practically feel his smile. I wonder what he would taste like if I ran my tongue over the swell of those full pouty lips.

"It was bound to happen. My first thought, when I saw the steps, was who's going to bust their ass first?" he remarked, eyes grazing the crowd before falling back on me.

I snicker and nod. "I thought that, too. I thought someone might be sitting in a room somewhere watching the camera's, getting off on it."

The man laughs. My heartbeat stops. My mouth turns dry. Who stole all the air?

"We definitely gave them a show then." He runs his eyes over me again languidly, appreciative, a spark of hunger. "What's your name?"

"Fe - Fey." I catch myself. My cheeks heating from my slip up. "Yours?"

"Kol," he answers easily. "Well, I hope you know Fey, you owe me a drink." He pauses thoughtfully, another sweep of his gaze, an impish smile. "Make that two."

I can't help but smile back. Something about him pulls at me. I agree without thought. We move ourselves to the back of the bar where it's less crowded, more shadowed, intimate. There are small tables set up in the back and we find one without trouble.

This is a fantasy. It has to be. I never do this, trust enough to do this sort of thing.

We talk easily, nothing, in particular, the bar, the music, people that pass, how interesting humans are and the odd idioms they create. Kol is witty and charming, although he possesses this harshness about him that draws me in. He likes my dark humor and he offers to buy the third and fourth round of drinks, a nectar from Thessia mixed with vodka from Earth.

He says co-workers introduced him to the drink, but we both agree not to elaborate on our jobs or personal lives. Nothing about him feels one-sided.

We talk for hours, and I laugh … really laugh, for what feels like the first time in years, not strained or forced like I do on the ship. My soul feels lighter and I'm not forcing polite chuckles or curt nods while I feel nothing inside.

He actually makes me feel.

His smile is contagious, and it pulls something from within me, from a place I thought long dead. At this moment we are locked in a world of make-believe. He has no idea who I am. No clue about my past. The things I've experienced or done, the things I shouldn't of, my regrets, my failures.

To him I was Fey, and nothing else mattered except the fantasy. I wanted to do something wild and crazy, something not like myself. I wanted to do something spur of the moment with this man I just met, who smelt like perfection and carnal sin. He made me feel as if for a single night, maybe I could be someone else. He would make me remember this night, someone so vibrant and full of life. I wanted him to take the place of the fuzzy memories I lacked.

"Do you want to get out of here?" Kol finally asks. "Maybe go somewhere, just the two of us?"

He's confident. I want to follow his example.

"Kiss me," I demand. I have no idea where this bravery is coming from, but by the Goddess am I going to ride it.

He likes it. I can tell by the way his frills expand, brighten, his eyes widen and flash sapphire when the blazing, pulsing lights, hit his irises.

He's turned on. And so am I.

Tilting his head, Kol purrs at me in question, "A hotel room, then?"

"Kiss me first," I insist. Maybe he is the one making me brave at this moment?

Without hesitation, he grabs the front of my shirt and yanks me forward out of my seat. I gasp in surprise from his roughness, heart a beat away from breaking my ribs from its relentless pounding. I am pulled forward off my seat, slightly across the small table separating us, and his lips are on mine.

Wait. No. They aren't just on me, they are devouring me.

He is passionate. And he kisses me like I have always wanted to be kissed. Like I mean something. Like he cares. Like I'm all that he wants and more.

Kol is wild and he doesn't stop with one. No. He goes for a second and a third and a fourth. I am startled, almost to the point of freezing up at the intensity he exhibits. I feel dizzy, light headed. My existence being swallowed up by the taste of his mouth.

And by the Goddess, I kiss him back.

Kol moves away and my lips feel moist, thick, completely wrecked. Just a small touch and I feel like I am way out of my league. The taste of the drinks, his tongue, like human cloves and cedarwood, mixed with his own hint of sweet unknown. I tremble in raw desire. This is too much…

And not enough.

"Your tongue," he muses. His jaw flexing as if he's testing out my taste, trying to place something. He licks his lips. I didn't think seeing someone's tongue in such a menial gesture would turn me on like a switch. His gaze drifts away, a wide smile curls over full pouty lips. "You taste like kah'lah fruit."

I snort distastefully. Did he just imply I taste delicate and sweet? "Do you think I'll be docile? If you want something compliant, I might not be what you're looking for."

His eyes shine in the light, amusement skittering over his features. Does he find what I'm saying funny? It wasn't meant to be a joke.

Kol grabs the front of my shirt again and pulls me in for another kiss. I have no will to fight him and this one is just like the first. All consuming but slips into gentle firmness.

Then he purrs in submission to let me know he wants me to take charge.

 _Oh ... fuck._

It's over. He has me now.

This time I'm the one who pulls away, my lungs heaving, hands shaking. "Where do you want to go?" My chest is going to implode and I'm not entirely certain I ask the question without stuttering. He makes me feel … not like myself.

Kol grins, and I am sure his smile is equal to those depicted in Arashu's pleasure trove. The male's she keeps in her personal harem, trained to give only pleasure. Alluring. Enticing. Provocative. And trained solely for her use.

He makes me feel as if he was put here just for me.

"Wherever you want to go." He shrugs. " Are you available until the morning?"

The morning? My head swims with what he's offering. Not a few hours. Kol wants the entire night. I lick my dry lips, my throat feeling parched. I nod several times in silence and glance around. "I'm not familiar with the Citadel. I can check."

I take a deep breath and open my omnitool, trying to bring my raging libido to a halt.

"So I can assume you don't make a habit of picking up random strangers?."

"Do you?" I grin back at him in challenge, looking at my interface to find the closest hotel.

I feel the weight of his gaze on me, a caress of heat over my scales. I look up, light hits his irises and I forget myself as I wait for his answer. I don't think I would care if he fucked the entire Citadel. Right now, he was mine.

At least until morning.

He stares at me for a long moment, as if thinking about what to say. Is he going to tell me the truth? An egotistical lie? Eventually, he answers, "No. Not for a long time. Not since I came to the Citadel."

"How longs that been?" I ask, not really caring if he fucked a significant other yesterday and arrived on the Citadel this morning.

"Almost two years."

His response surprises me. "So … you haven't been laid in two years? I find that hard to believe." Surely he's lying. Kol is overwhelmingly attractive. There is no way someone with eyes would miss him enter a room. Other races would've found him beautiful, too.

"Why is that so hard to believe?" Another grin spreads across those perfect pouty lips, but the harshness of his features turn me on the most.

"You have looked in a mirror, right? I don't need to stroke your ego."

He moves closer, his scent overwhelming. He trills low, full of sinful promises whispered in the dark, your dirtiest fantasy made manifest. Stepping into me, he runs his lips over the frills on my cheek, hot breath on my ear as he says, "No. I want you to stroke other things."

 _Can't Breathe._

 _Can't. Fucking. Breathe._

He moves around me, heat trailing my neck as he glances over my shoulder. I book a room at a nearby hotel. He purrs in approval, taps his omnitool to mine and I glance at him curiously. I have too many security measures for someone to try and hack me, but I open the message alert to see a transfer of credits to the device.

He pays me back for the room in its entirety.

I turn to decline, but his teeth graze my neck and for the life of me I have no idea what I was just about to say.

"Let's get out of here." He gives me a quick bite and slides away grabbing my hand, leading me from the bar, both of us laughing as we watch someone else stumble and slide ass-first down the steps.

The rest of it is a blur, our hands wild, kisses frenzied. My body is on fire and we somehow make it to our hotel room. My mind is spinning from the alcohol but now we are both hesitating. We are alone. No more teasing talks, no more hints or budding wind up.

 _This is really happening._

Kol sucks at my lips, pulling them in turn into his mouth before he gives me his tongue, still tasting of nectar, alcohol and whatever masculine amazingness that is just him. His hands brace on my hips, and he bends a little to kiss me deeper, his rumbling moan moving through me, "You taste amazing. I can't wait to taste the rest of you."

I can't respond. I can't breathe again, but he doesn't care. His hands slide under my jacket, pushing it from my shoulders, my shirt goes next and I feel my stomach drop.

He will see the scars, he'll ask questions, he'll find me unattractive. Why didn't I think about this sooner?

I can feel his eyes lingering. I'm waiting for his judgment. "Kol, I-" He silences me with the caress of his tongue. His lips tracing one of the deeper scars on my chest. The tip if his tongue runs over the entirety of it as he lowers himself, making me brave again.

He removes his jacket and then his shirt, tugs at his belt. He is impatient, tongue flicking at the air as he loses his balance while kissing me, pulling his shoes off, grabbing my hips and pulling me forward. He helps me with my shoes, jerks on the buckle of my pants popping it open. His thumbs hook to the side of my last remaining articles of clothing, sliding my pants and underwear down my legs, waiting for me to step out of them.

I am so hard for him and he stares at me appreciatively, his hot breath teasing, tiny flecks of lava on my skin. He is nothing but raw hunger, licking his lips he falls to his knees. I let him watch me as I grab the base of my cock, giving myself a few quick strokes, our eyes locked on one another.

The lubrication from my frills coat my hand, the silky texture covering my fingers and all I can think about is what his mouth is going to feel like. I lift my hand from gripping myself and bring my fingers to Kol's lips. He knows what I want, and without urging he opens and takes my fingers against his tongue.

His mouth is searing, his tongue tempting. I clamp my mouth shut to stifle the groan that builds in my chest. I feel like I want to melt, to fall to my knees and just stare at how sexy this man is.

He grabs my hand and pulls his lips away from my fingertips. Turning my hand over, Kol licks across my palm, the flat of his tongue stroking slowly over the moisture on my scales, tasting me. He moves back and stares up, eyes dark, full of hunger.

I can't stop myself. Reaching forward, I cup his face in my palm, my thumb brushing over the soft frills of his cheek. I grasp the base of my shaft with my free hand before I say, "Suck."

I don't think I've ever been this brave in my entire life.

He doesn't hesitate, his mouth is on me, sucking and licking and stroking, he is flawless and my eyes slip closed from the intensity of his touch. The way his tongue feels when he takes me deep is enough to see nothing but white pleasure, pure and perfect. I can start feeling the tight pull, something growing with each stroke accumulating at the edge of my spine. I can't hold back my words of pleasure.

What he makes me feel….

I sense one of his hand's shift, moving his arm low against himself. I look down and realize he is touching himself, eyes catching mine, fevered.

"Let me," I tell him without thought, wanting to replace his hand with my mouth. "I want to taste you, too."

"Not yet." He pulls back, his voice raspy before he licks around my girth and along my length.

I shiver from his teasing. It's too much. He's torturing me.

It's not enough. I want more.

Kol groans, his eyes on me wild and thrilled, his eager mouth like fire when he sinks down on me again, rough and unrelenting and nipping and sucking and licking and stroking and….

Blood rushes in my veins, so powerful and urgent, my muscles tense. I can feel the build again, the pressure, and then it spreads through my body, exploding.

 _Coming._

 _Coming._

I am gasping senselessly, thoughts fleeing, unable to offer any sound other than my sharp, hoarse cries. Kol is greedy and keeps pulling me in, until I'm completely spilled, until my legs give out and I collapse to the bed behind me, sitting down heavily on the mattress.

Kol stumbles to his feet and I stare up at him as he brushes the back of his hand over his wet mouth, moving closer. The look in his eyes is wild and he stares down at me, his chest heaving like he ran a marathon.

I slide myself to the edge of the bed and grab the sides of his pants, still hanging low around his hips, right under his ass, and I yank him forward, plunging him into my mouth.

"Fuck, I'm close," he warns me, desperate, his eyes burning in frenzy.

To think, I'm the one who's doing this to him. He's carnal, unhinged. I feel my blood boil again. His cock is thick and heavy and I feel so full of him I wonder fleetingly if there is any room in my mouth for him and air. He grabs my head and it drives me wild, his fingers lacing in the ridges of my crest. It seems like he wants to stop, maybe make it last longer, his jerky movements exemplifying his loss of control. His dick swells, the frills engorge, his growls come faster. He's gone now, fucking my mouth, taking his pleasure from me.

I feel his thighs tense beneath my palms, his strong muscles coiled and ready to burst. He cries my name. I trill loud in enjoyment. A few more thrusts and he holds my head steady, ramming himself down my throat. I feel and taste the heady warmth of him emptying on my tongue. His groans are low and sharp, sinful music I could hear over and over without ever getting sick of the tune.

He rides his orgasm and I swallow all I can until he is pulling away, stumbling back a few steps to rest against the wall. His chest is heaving, muscles relaxing but he looks like walking sin. I want to put my mouth on him again.

Tonight won't be enough.

All I can take is this moment.

Kol shifts out of his pants and I rise and go to him, my hands grabbing his face, rubbing the frills of my cheek against his. Both of us sigh in pleasure from the sensation. His eyes close. He leans in, mouth finding mine and I am lost again as we taste ourselves, a part coming unhinged.

He seems insatiable, hands pulling me in, kisses wild and full of passion, hunger, need, even though we have both just come, but I sense we are far from finished.

"I want you," Kol voices my thoughts.

I want him, too. I don't think I will survive another minute without him. I kiss him deep before giving him room to move. "Turn around for me."

Kol purrs in submission and it's enough for me to lose myself, my hands start to shake, a weight crushing my ribs. I touch him smoothly, his skin like silk beneath my hands. I hear my fevered moan, my hands sliding down the line of him.

I'll never have access to him again. A single night. A single, dangerous, night. A chance to taste. To lick. To fuck this magnificent man.

I'll never be the same after. I feel it in my soul.

I kiss and lick up his spine, teeth scraping, fingers caressing. I rub the moisture of my shaft over the valley of his ass, working moisture into him. His body responds eagerly, a groan of impatience.

I don't want to rush.

I want him _now_.

I tease his opening, he said it's been two years, I only want pleasure for the both of us. My finger sinks in easily, and I work my lubrication within. Kol is lustful and trills for more. I can't deny him.

I pull my fingers away, run my hand over my shaft. I am so hard, moist, dripping, ready for him. My fused finger pushes in, and he cries out. I want him to beg, to feel as if I am the only one who could ever satisfy him, fulfill every desire. I want to touch every inch of him.

I start a steady pace, listening to his moans, his sharp cries. His turns and reaches for me, his walls moist and ready and I hear what I've been waiting for. Please. My name. Now. Take me. I pull my hand away and replace my fingers with the tip of my phallus, going slow, careful.

Kol arches his back as I rock into him, a relaxed rhythm, listening to his sounds, his urging, his cries. I let out a shaky gasp, gathering my strength. Kol is going to ruin me, his body scorching, tight, a perfect fit. I pull back and snap into him, deep fluid motions. I pull back and go again, over and over, both of us chasing the sensations, the bliss of our bodies joining together. The crude sounds make me wilder, our skin slapping together, heard just below our whimpers and moans.

I need more of him. Harder. My fingers pull desperately at his hips muttering unintelligible, good and more and beautiful and deeper and yes and more and yes. I feel my release twisting in me, winding tighter and tighter until it strains and snaps. He clutches at me, reaching back, urging me on as the lash of sensation bursts.

My orgasm crashes over me so hard, so consuming and I become a savage. I'm not myself anymore and I pull him further against me, rutting into him, grabbing his hips and ass to pull myself in deeper.

I'm pure desperation, and Kol begs, but it's not no, or stop. He throws his head back and I bite his neck, his mouth falls open in a loud groan, but all that comes out for him is yes and more and yes and there and more and yes. I can't stop. The pleasure crawls up my legs like a vine. All I can focus on are his sharp cries and my quick inhales. The tightness of his body and the fire that wraps around my dick like a catalyst, a lighting bolt through every nerve, licking across my scales.

His trill is frenzied and something breaks inside of me, it's never been this good with anyone, this consuming. He tilts his head and our mouths crash together, teeth scraping, tongues seeking. He lifts one of his arms and reaches back, fingers dipping into the ridges on the back of my head holding me to his scorching mouth, tongue, breath.

I stroke his dick, a sharp sound is ripped from his throat which I swallow away. I want to devour every sound that comes from his soul, taste the vibration on my tongue. He is like steel beneath my palm, his member reaching up towards his navel, I slide my hand roughly over him, my palm touching every frill and ridge. He is so wet, so fucking perfect, he is nothing but walking sin. The lubrication from his frills cause my hand to slide easily, and I caress him from his tight balls to the crown of his cock.

I keep my hand tight, surging up and down over his length until he is moaning incoherently, coming undone. The first pulse of his release hits his chest, the next the wall, the rest cascading down the back of my knuckles. I don't think I'll ever be able to imagine a sexier sound then the one Kol makes when he comes, the way he growls my name, the way he looks as he catches his breath, the shudder of his body.

Another orgasm is ripped from me and I tear my mouth from him, sinking my teeth into the frills on his neck, riding the mind-blowing sensation. He hisses loudly, body tensing and regret floods my chest as I come down from the high. Did I bite him too hard? I pull back and kiss the delicate flesh, licking, tasting. "Sorry, I lost myself," my voice feels hoarse, far away. "Did I hurt you?"

His head rolls back when I slide myself from his body, walls slick and wet from my seed. A shaky breath hitches in his chest, muscles easing beneath my palms. "No. I want more," he admits and chuckles. A deep beautiful rumble.

My chest swells in satisfaction. I kiss the back of his neck, over his shoulder and bring my lips back to nibble at the ribbing on his cheek. He turns in my hold, facing me, grinning before he captures my mouth with his, his tongue running over me like an instrument to be played. He is in tune with my body, our movements feeding off the other to a crescendo.

Kol pulls back a few steps, holding my hand to guide me to the bed. He sits on the edge smiling up at me. Irises so blue like an ocean of dreams I want to sleep and never wake from.

He releases me and slips back over the mattress, sliding to the head of the bed. He is so beautiful, so unreal. He stares at me like he might be thinking the same thing, gaze sweeping over me, heavy, appreciative, hungry. "Tell me we're not done."

I feel like the world is about to swallow me whole, My body responds willingly, hard, dripping from my crown in desire. "You trying to make up for those two years?"

He blinks at me and the sultry expression disappears. I only meant to tease but apparently, I might have struck a nerve.

"What about you? How long has it been?" he bites out. "Not everyone has the luxury of getting laid every few weeks. It's not that easy."

 _He thinks its easy for me?_

He doesn't realize I'm living a fairytale tonight. I'm not me. The real Feron is a million miles away, watching his computer screen. Never living life, always running, still healing, never participating.

He turns his face away and I know somehow I have insulted him, but his words only force a laugh from my throat. "You think I get laid every couple of weeks?"

He looks at me and raises an eyeridge in challenge and the laugh dies on my tongue. He was serious. My frills blaze in embarrassment and a shyness creeps over me that I have not felt in a long time, gaze drops to the floor. "N-no," I shake my head curt and fast. "Definitely not every few weeks." I raise my eyes to meet him and he is blinking at me slowly before I add, "Five years. Give or take a few months."

He is quiet for several heartbeats and he purrs in apology, reaching his hand out to me. "You were trying to make a joke, then?"

"Yeah, I guess my delivery sucked. I'm sorry." I rest my knee on the bed and reach out to him, glad I haven't pissed him off. I don't want tonight to end.

I want to fuck him into eternity.

He takes my hand, the corners of his mouth lifting in a half smile. "It's okay. I'll give you something else to suck."

I laugh loudly, smiling, placing my mouth back on his, my hands rest on his shoulders to steady myself. He purrs at me, urging me to wait.

"Fey," he calls. "I want to make you feel good."

He pulls me down to him before I can respond and twists, guiding me to my back. His hand on my chest feels like the only piece of clothing I'll ever need. He kisses me softly and trails down my throat, my chest, my stomach. He's gentle this time, slow, thorough.

I've never been touched so tenderly. I feel peaceful, calm, never in years with someone else.  
It's too much, becoming too real.

I don't think I'm going to survive this night. Kol is too much. Demands too much. Pure perfection.

He's forcing something out of me. Something I can't….

I don't think I will ever survive _without_ this night.

I get lost in the feel of his body on mine. The night still young.

* * *

It's almost morning and I stare at Kol in the darkness. The artificial lights from the semi-parted curtains cast shadows over the curves of his incredible body. He's laying on his stomach, head turned away from me but I know I will never forget his face, the curve of his ass, the feel of his scales.

Glancing at his omnitool, my fingers twitch on instinct. I want to know who he really is, hack his device and get some answers. I want to break this safe illusion he made me feel. Everyone lies. Tonight we were no different.

I fight the urge to get undressed again. To slide into bed and pull his arm back around me. I want to wake up with him, buy him breakfast and talk some more, feel the satisfaction of watching him eat, providing something for someone. Feed him from my hand, his tongue caressing my fingertips.

My frills heat at the thought.

The implications dangerous.

 _That could never be._

I grab my jacket and hesitate before grabbing the pen and napkin on the small table by the door, and scribble a note before placing it under the lip of his jacket so he doesn't miss it. I wish I could stay, but I must leave the Citadel. I've already ignored all of Liara's messages.

 _Thank you, you were incredible._

I back away silently and turn to the door and leave. I push away the feeling of regret at the knowledge that I will never see Kol again. That he'll never know what he made me feel. For a single night, someone saw me as beautiful. Saw me, not as the scarred and broken man who earned whispers when I passed, but a chance to finally be me.

I don't remember the last time I'd laughed and smiled as much as I did, and I knew I would always be grateful for Kol - if that was even his real name. He became the prince of those absurd stories I read as a child, saving me for one night from a lifetime of loneliness.

Someone who looked at me with reverence and not pity.

A chance to feel something other than empty darkness. He'll never know what tonight actually meant for me. The Kol of my fairytale will always exist in my memories.

I choose to keep the fantasy.


End file.
